Generic blog title

combeferret:

conquerorwurm:

One of my favorite things to see is random people trying to interact with unfamiliar outdoor cats. Just standing there with a hand out, making kissy noises, maybe meowing at the cat while it ignores them. Mankind at its best and least dignified

#stop calling me out

(via edeninhetheden)

it’s too bad no one ships vetinari/death

jumpingjacktrash:

because the ship name would be ‘death and taxes’ and that’s a beautiful thing

prokopetz:

cliomancer:

prokopetz:

evtrained:

prokopetz:

Concept: slacker elf princess grants stupid wishes in exchange for trivial sacrifices, like your knowledge of Star Wars trivia or your ability to whistle.

She does it live on a Twitch channel and 4Chan loves her.

Her mother is very disappointed in her.

Do these deals always end up having terrible consequences through equally stupid coincidences?

They don’t intrinsically have terrible consequences - it’s not a monkey’s paw deal - but she does get to choose which wishes she grants, and she generally only grants the stupid ones because people harming themselves amuses her.

She’s kind of a terrible person.

(via alexandableak)

mark-the-matt:

republicansareahategroup:

consivanqueen:

A Land Without Guns: How Japan Has Virtually Eliminated Shooting Deaths

I’ve pretty much always refered to Japan’s model when in debates about gun control. People should be able to have guns, but you should have to do it in the safest manner possible. Guns should be earned, not freely given.

DO THIS AMERICA

(via classicalmonoblogue)

unicornitis:

vastderp:

snuffgrenade:

the–witchmaker:

bogleech:

sixthrock:

sidneyia:

brainstatic:

jonbrnthal:

i just found out merriam webster has a time traveler feature that tells you some of the words that were “born” the same year as you. it’s pretty neat yall should do this

I’m the same age as glass ceiling and horndog.

vietnamese pot-bellied pig, crack house, and elephant in the room

I’m the same age as ‘cyberpunk’, ‘nuclear winter’, ‘cell phone’, ‘designer drug’ and a whooole lot of now-common computer terms. i’m old.

I GOT VARROA MITE

ah yes, 1995. the year of “partial-birth abortion,” “date rape drug,” and “complex regional pain syndrome”

‘humblebrag’ ‘selfie’ and ‘dubstep’

post-traumatic stress disorder, yuppie, NIMBY, hip-hop, techno-pop. nice!

apparently I’m the reason google became a word?

(via unicornitis-deactivated20171008)

jumpingjacktrash:

trickerydickerydock:

Thinking on it, Loki should really have just dropped the whole Asgard thing and moved to Greece to hang with the Olympians

Like, Loki’s worst bits of mischief, up to and including murder, is just Zeus’ casual Tuesday. Plus everyone is always busy either fucking with someone if not actually fucking them. There’s a god of drinking and theatre (professional artful lying, holy shit). Also a god of chilling in the woods and banging nymphs and/or lonely shepherds (ideal). Two love/beauty/lust deities (doubly ideal, good on Mama Aphrodite and Son Eros, great family tradition). No prophesy of an apocalyptic showdown to look forward to–or any kind of narrative to bind the gods, period (Fuck Yes). The local mortals are all nerds in togas or oiled up muscle men (c:). Balmy weather, access to spices (C:).

Honestly, it’d just be

Zeus: What convinces you, god from the north, that you have a place here among my family? Among the gods of sky and sea and earth, the gods who are all the power and inspiration of the world? What right have you, foreign trickster, to the gates of Olympus?

Loki: Oh, is this the job interview? Damn, and here I am without my power suit. Let me change real quick

Loki, naked: So my work history is,

Zeus, naked: Hera, have someone clear out the guest room

@roachpatrol you remember the idea we were playing with where hell was giving obsolete gods demon makeovers and jobs? and there was an angel named eggs who was wheel-sexual? i just realized what we need for that: hilarious pantheon mashups. like a yackety sax version of american gods.

speaking of american gods: thunder beings critique zeus’s bolt throwing technique while coyote eats everything and gets his head stuck in hera’s cleavage

(via jumpingjacktrash)

taz balance characters as wolfpupy tweets

zetsubonna:

lux-obscura:

arrghigiveup:

Excuse me while I die of laughter

I want to be at the launch party for this project.

First the Riri and Lupita movie and now this.

(via timemachineyeah)

elodieunderglass:

skippercifer:

skippercifer:

skippercifer:

skippercifer:

skippercifer:

skippercifer:

A really harrowed-looking man who was probably in his 60s came into the shop today. He was wearing a gold-colored tie that kept sliding down the side of his neck because it was tied very poorly, and a rumpled light blue dress shirt. I did not see his legs or shoes. Part-time cashiers are sometimes just not afforded the luxury.

We said hello to each other as I scanned his items (diet coke and a nature valley granola bar- $2.69), me sounding more interested than usual just because he sounded so out-of breath and very engaged in his purchase. Also maybe because I could not see his shoes.

“How’s your life going?” He suddenly asked, swiping his card, not casually but almost pleadingly curious.

“Uhm, all right I s’pose” I said, too startled to think of a more cheery lie. 

He nodded somberly. “Me too… I guess.” He paused and looked at me for a minute and then just said “it’s a Monday, ya know.”

“Mondays are like this sometimes” I supplied, feeling like we were having a really weird conversation hidden under the one that was actually taking place.

And then he left. I forgot to look at his shoes.

PART II 

Honestly I had no idea that I would ever have the privilege of writing a sequel to this post. I considered it an odd moment, an interaction that changed me in a way, but a fleeting one. I automatically assumed our paths would never cross again, there was such a finality to that window of time on Monday August 22nd of 2016. And yet.

He returned.

I didn’t truly notice him come in, glancing up from whatever menial and already forgotten task I was busy with, but not registering who it was or why he seemed to put out an aura of familiarity. It had been weeks and I haven’t even caught a glimpse of him; the memory of Monday August 22nd of 2016 had faded like a dream. But lo he appeared before me, dressed in exactly the same fashion that made him look like he had just crawled out of carwash (albeit with a pink shirt and purple tie this go-around.)

His face lit up when he saw me, again holding a diet coke and a nature valley granola bar. ‘How is your day going?’ He asked earnestly.

‘Pretty well.’ I said, professionally containing myself, “how are you?”

“I’m good, I’m good” he said, sounding more cheerful than before but just as harried. When I handed him back his change and items and he looked like he was going to cry. 

“Thank you” he whispered with a look of reverence I have only seen on the faces of ancient church members receiving the eucharist.

“It’s no trouble,” I promised, trying not to look perplexed.

He bowed (LITERALLY BOWED) and then made a hurried exit stage left, reminiscent of Lear just before the second act, halfway into madness.

A Lear I had again forgotten to note the footwear of.

PART. 3. 

Okay I’m not even bothering with the pretentious Hemingway style for this one; I’m still reeling over the fact that he came back after four months AND on a Friday instead of a Monday no less.

Notes:

• He was wearing literally the exact same shirt and tie he had on from part one, only with an orange sweater and fancy jacket over the ensemble to indicate that it was winter
• He bought Lay’s sour cream and onion potato chips this time instead of his standard granola bar, but the diet coke was as usual
• He told me that he always felt guilty for buying snack food but ‘you have to do what you have to do’
• He then smiled sadly at me and said ‘enjoy your weekend… If you can.’
• I sat in stunned, unblinking silence for about six minutes until a customer came up and looked me over worriedly
• Who is this man
• WHY DO I KEEP FORGETTING TO LOOK AT HIS SHOES
  

Part Four

First thing’s first,

Probably about two years of wear on them but otherwise well cared for. Socks were white, which I was only able to notice because this human being has zero clothes that fit and his pant cuffs were hovering about 3 inches away from his shoes. I keep thinking his outfits can’t possibly get any better, but this one takes the cake:

Crumpled white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, gigantic scarf that looked as though it were made out of mouldy carpet, neon orange striped tie, and a matching neon orange plastic digital watch that probably came out of a box of honeycombs back in 1988.

He did not grace me with his odd conversational charm today, but I received something better. A clue. 

Today he was buying a red notebook and three ballpoint pens instead of snacks (which was questionable but this is a Thursday we’re talking about; the day that falls on the chaotic spectrum and which I am known for my overzealous distrust of), and when he pulled out his luxury black Mastercard to pay for his items he said eight words which shook me to my very core.

“I do get a staff discount on these.”

This has never come up before because discount plans don’t apply to food items. I have no need to ask the identity of a man buying a granola bar and a diet coke. But now.

I didn’t speak as I handed him his receipt, just nodded courteously. Only staff members know about the specific discount so I had no real need to ask for an ID for proof, and I was cursing my mistake in not asking for it anyway. 

I must find this man. I have been here for three years and yet have only seen him within the confines of the store at odd intervals. I’ve never even seen him step into the store, or leave (another customer is somehow always in line behind him and demanding my attention.) I spent half an hour going through the college’s entire staff directory this afternoon… and may have found something. I don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up, I am not yet certain and will have to gather a few more items of information, but for the first time I can promise a part to follow. Perhaps, an ending.

Cinq

Not an ending of any sort, but a very brief update from the field. My work schedule has changed since January and I was honestly beginning to wonder if I wouldn’t see the man again until the fall, as it’s been more than two months now. He startled me quite a bit when he literally blew in as if by a gust of wind right as my shift was ending. 

He was in quite a hurry and only bought a diet coke ($1.50) before blustering(?) off, giving me no chance to run an investigation or perception check, but if fashion checks were a thing…

Please imagine, if you will, a man wearing a yellow polka-dot tie that was not even tied, an orange scarf, the watch mentioned in my previous entry, khakis, a bright periwinkle shirt… and an impeccably matching woolen periwinkle cape. He was also carrying a very large black satchel with tartan lining, every single pocket of which was unzipped.

He looked like a hedge wizard.

I want answers.

6.

I found him.

• Masters in theology from Harvard 
  
• Distinguished professor of philosophy
• God-tier identification photo; I cannot believe that I have not been hallucinating this man for the past 12 months and 41 days.
  

this is a  fucking triumph

(via classicalmonoblogue)

marcaskane:

fangirl challenge - [4/20] male characters

rupert giles (buffy the vampire slayer)

(via theflanderspigeonmurderer)

it has been a long week and i am very tired

dael-the-goblin:

nameless-is-the-void:

araxoolie:

ten-fathoms-down:

strange-gateways-beckoned:

red-faced-wolf:

mama-germany:

hawkeyedflame:

repeteoffender53:

danpatbh:

magical-girl-haku:

perfect-melody:

smol-owl-bean:

confusedphaniel:

actuary-tattoo:

starlightomatic:

sashayed:

cumaeansibyl:

francisballoonpants:

courfeyracs-swordcane:

crazybarks42:

lemoneychicken:

yeeeem:

boundtoanandroid:

punmasterkentparson:

secondhand-glory:

nonelvis:

madamehardy:

errantpixxi:

1000heartbeats:

ishuzu:

star-anise:

pls show me your cats

this is Buster, showing us her very dirty feet.

This is Dany. He has anxiety, but he’s full of love.

This is Tally, a 10 yo 18 pound Maine Coon, who will let you use her tummy for a pillow when you’re sad, and will just purr & groom you until you feel better 💕

This is Jareth, a rescue who advises you to consider the benefits of a good long nap

This is Miss Noir. Her hobbies include being besties with the food bag, running away from things in fear, and stairstep lurking.

This is Miss Nicole. Her hobbies include being an immense asshole.

This is Uno. He thinks things are gonna be okay. I intend to believe him.

This is Kit. He likes chasing bugs, digging in his litter box, and being aggressively cuddly.

this is crookshanks she’s orange

this is Keyes he’s my lead strategist

this is toast, hes a cool dude

This is Rosie. She’s loud because she’s full of bees

This is Sweety he is very large

This is Khensu he belongs to my neighbors he’s half Maine coon I hang out with him when he gets lonely

This is little cat, she loves headbutts and standing on people

this is Elly she’s very soft and a butthole

This is Lana and she’s my friend’s kitty and she likes to squeak

This is Chicky, he’s a barn cat, he likes children, hikes, and being a criminal.

This is Koda, he’s a huge shitbag, who affectionately bites me to wake me up at 5 in the morning while purring like a chainsaw and head butting me. He brings me plastic bags as presents, as he’s an indoor cat. He also plays fetch.

This is tommy. He’s a sleepy boi and I love him

These are Brofy (grey) and Faux cat (orange).

Brofy is an asshole but he’s cute so it’s okay, and Faux is the most affectionate and attention-seeking sweetheart

This is Scout she’s a big girl she is full of love and likes to follow me around and sleep

She doesn’t mind when I put toys on her and she is a very floffy pillow

this is lieutenant, but we just call him tennant because he’s named after david tennant. he’s my stinky boy. he makes a lot of noise even just when he breathes and he snores a little. he learned to play fetch all by himself. his 5th birthday is tomorrow!

This is Guloy. He’s a faatttttt caaattttt and doesnt mind the toebean squish (when asleep) xP

This is Tootsie and she thinks she’s a model (which she is tbh)

This is Pepper. She’s very pretty and my boyfriend calls her the Bitch Loaf and he’s right tbh

@alotteofchar

This is Sage (gray) and Kali (calico). Sage is my fuzzy cry baby. Kali is my mom’s fussy princess bitch.

This is Bella, she is smol and doesn’t really know how to cat very well.

This is Cosima, she loves to cuddle.

This is Lucifer, Luci for short.  My adorable demon child who lives up to her name  ❤

This adorable clown is Pi, AKA “raccoon boy”.  He just showed up one day when he was really young, and given his mannerisms we speculate the local raccoons raised him.  

And Lisa, the opossum lady.  Why opossum lady?  Because one night she was super hyper and her pupils were huge and we caught a quick glimpse of her and thought she looked quite like an opossum.  She seems quite happy with the tittle.  

It’s Willie! A.K.A The Mayor. He’s a big floofy Cheeto

(via cybermax)

setheverman:

setheverman:

i’m on to you drake

i posted this video two years ago today and it literally changed my life

(via alexandableak)

teenwitched:

agooduniverse:

turtletotem:

I have long said that in order for any comedy to truly succeed as a story, there has to be meat beneath the jokes. There has to be that moment when it is not funny any more.

This. This is that moment.

#honestly even though this is one of the best scripts there ever has been  #that is the greatest line  #it’s /groundbreaking/ in terms of how it frames vengeance quests; temptation beats; inigo as a comedic figure throughout the movie  #you know because this is a happy book (film) that inigo will get his revenge  #but will he get JUSTICE  #will he get ABSOLUTION  #will he get CATHARSIS  #those are the things we don’t know  #and that line sells it more than any of the previous scene (x)

also:

(via cybermax)